[ Yes, this absolutely, 100% is definitely Aziraphale who possibly just spent 10 million on books (???) and somehow got in debt instead of just Miracling it away.
Oh fuck Aziraphale said it. This was fine. He could handle this. He could definitely think straight enough to manage this and not lose it. He's cool! He can handle it.
Alright, so maybe Crowley didn't have ten million pounds. But you know what? Glitches happen all the time. Even in Venmo. Maybe, just maybe, a glitch just miraculously happens and 1lostboy gets a transfer from Nowhere for Ten Million Pounds.
And by maybe, clearly that means Crowley just definitely used up a demonic miracle to make 10 million digitally appear out of nowhere. Can Venmo even handle millions of pounds??? Who knows! But Aziraphale wants ten million pounds, and there was nothing in Heaven or Hell that was going to keep Crowley from getting him Ten Million Pounds.
By Venmo. ]
How many times have I got to say? Don't thank me. Bad for my reputation, you know.
There, look, I've sent it. Now will you talk some sense to me? I'm at the bookshop, where are you?
[ Crowley whirls around, mobile in hand, to just the angel he was looking for. (the only angel he'd ever look for) He breaks into a beaming smile that takes over his entire face, still riding the high of
thank you love you
A car whizzes by his elbow, whipping his jacket like mad, and goes by completely and utterly unnoticed by the demon. Instead, he just stands there like the beaming, giddy-headed idiot that he is. ]
Angel! There you are, Aziraphale. Did you get the Venmo? Honestly, I still think it would have been easier to just miracle the whole thing away.
[horrible villainous thing! As if it was easy to be sensible at all with that smile turned on him. He found himself flushing and put a hand to his cheek]
Oh I... I just stepped out. Got some little pastries from that shop down the road. What on earth is a venmo and why did you have to miracle it away. Unless you were about to get mown down by one. [he tugged Crowley out of the street and if he had to touch him to do it, well, no one could blame him]
[ He let himself get tugged out of the street, glancing down at the angel's hand as it pulled him to safety. If at all possible, the smile grew a fraction wider. It took a few seconds of Aziraphale's words circling around his head before he could process a single bit of it. ]
The venmo you wanted me to send you. [ He held up his phone and gave it a little wiggle, texts messages still in clear view. ] For the books. Was there a rare collection you got your hands on? I haven't heard about any black market auctions for that sort of thing in the area lately. Should've brought me along, you know they always overprice you every time you go.
Books? Is Venmo a rare collection? I haven't heard of it. [he frowned] What does it look like? Who was it written by? Are...are you feeling alright? [a demon of course would not get sick but who knew what might happen when cut off from hell] Come let's get you a lie down and a nice cup of tea.
You know, come to think of it, he was definitely a lot calmer right now in person than he had seemed over text.
The beaming slowly lowered in intensity, replacing gradually with confusion. ]
Me a lie down? You're the only that needs a lie down. Aziraphale, you just told me you needed me to send you money for books. [ He moved next to the angel, showing him the phone and scrolling up to the first text message. ] Look, here, see? Just a few minutes ago.
[ The transformation into Genuine Concern is complete, now with a little worried frown. ] Are you alright, Angel?
Why on earth would I do that. Stop shaking that thing at me. [he took the phone and blinked at it and then handed it back.] Well it wasn't me. I lost mine on the tube and forgot to get it back. Silly me.
But...it was really sweet of you, my dear. [he smiled because he knew it rankled and delivered a bold kiss to his jaw] come in and get some tea.
[ He stared at the phone in complete disbelief as Aziraphale casually dismissed the entire thing. Someone had Aziraphale's phone. Someone had knowingly pretended to be his angel in order to just get some bloody money out of him??
thank you love you
That hadn't been Aziraphale at all, that had just been some fucking rando on the--
And then there was a kiss pressed to his jaw that short circuited his brain. Sure, they'd kissed a bit here and there since that Whole Thing with Constantine, but... well it's not exactly the sort of thing you get used to that easy.
It was a lot to process. The kiss, the phone, the kiss, the 'really sweet of you' (which he's sure he needed to at least pretend to protest), the kiss, the bloody scammer-- something about tea? Also did he mention the kiss?? ]
Are you telling me I just wired ten million pounds to some arse that stole your phone?
[ Nonono no that's not the one he wanted to address first, but his slowly growing fury at someone pretending to be Aziraphale (thank you love you) was at extreme warring ends with chasing after that teasing, bold kiss. ]
Well if you thought that that poor sentence structure, capitalization and grammatical errors belonged to me, I don't know what to tell you. [though, in fact, he already had] As I said, I lost my phone not that it was stolen and, really, Crowley it's money. What have you ever cared for that?
[ Crowley stared at Aziraphale for a few beats too long as everything churns slowly through his brain. In hindsight, he really really really should have realized it much sooner that whoever he was talking to wasn't Aziraphale.
Then, he took in a deep breath and tried to cover up his complete brain short-circuiting with a look that was neither cool nor smooth, but at least looked like he was trying to pretend it was. ]
Yeah, yeah-- Er, definitely coming in. Yes. That's-- what I'm doing. [ He said, very smoothly and very cooly. ]
[ He numbly follows after Aziraphale into the bookshop. ]
And you know, it's not the money, it's the principle of the matter! Some human is out there with your phone, angel! All your pictures, all your texts, all your contacts! They could be out there saying anything to anyone!
It occurs to Constantine that something had Happened to Crowley when he broke into his flat in Mayfair and instead found some other demon staking out the place. He barely asked what the demon had done this time; a flicker of a spell he kept constantly prepared after the last year or so with the Legends sent the creature packing. And he was sure that the message the John Constantine had shown up with a vendetta looking for Crowley would make sure that he had some time to himself in the flat.
Unfortunately a search of the rest of the flat turned up nothing besides the fact that Crowley wasn't here. Something he'd already figured from the quick bit of banishment that he'd had to do already. But that wasn't about to stop him. Constantine was here for answers and he was bloody well going to get them.
"I tried this all polite for you." It was muttered angrily as Constantine shoved the minimal furniture out of the way, clearing a space to start drawing a complex sigil. As he finished the last strokes, something about it changed and looking directly at it made his eyes want to crawl out of his skull. It was working at least.
"Can't say I didn't give you a chance to have a polite chat about it." Several black candles were set around the mark and, taking a step back to check that he hadn't missed anything (the sick, crawling feeling in his gut indicated he hadn't), Constantine drew a dagger.
"Lets see you try and avoid this summoning then."
He spoke then, words few humans could manage and the complex sound of Crowley's true name that somehow seemed to writhe in the air. The dagger he drew across his palm, immediately pressing his lips to the wound to suck in his own blood and spray it across the sigil, an preternatural shriek filling the air as the candles burst into flames and Constantine focused on reaching for wherever this sorry excuse for a demon was and yanking him back here.
Avoiding summonings was something Crowley felt he had perfected into an art over the millennia. Whoever it was that had spilled the beans to humans on how to ring up a demon on demand had probably earned themself a nice and tidy commendation for a) finding new inventive ways to torment fellow demons, and b) finding new and inventive ways to damn human's souls to hell. Thankfully, it was one of the few things Crowley hadn't been credited with.
However, there was always once in a while that a summoning managed to slip through the cracks-- or in John Constantine's case, when a summoning managed to sledgehammer its way through any and all defenses Crowley had. It was unpleasantly like being drunk through a straw, just slurped out of whatever it was he had been doing (sulking in the Bentley with his plants) and spat out someplace he'd least want to be (his old flat where his replacement had been squatting in after he was booted out).
Crowley landed in the summoning circle, spilled gracelessly onto his ass, groaning unhappily. If it had been anyone other than John fucking Constantine that had summoned him-- he'd convince himself he'd have unleashed unholy fury on the unfortunate human. But despite his best efforts, Crowley knew himself better than that. He knew his faults, and being possibly the worst demon to crawl out of that damned pit was right at the top of the list.
Instead of any kind of fury, unholy or otherwise, Crowley just sort of. Sat criss-cross-apple-sauce on the floor of his ex-flat, trying not to look at all the awful changes his replacement had made, and looked flatly up at Constantine. Like all the fight had gone out of him, like there wasn't any point at all.
"No. Whatever it is, whatever you're trying to get, the answer is no."
He'd expected some kind of argument, complaining even, the typical whining that came with trying to get just about anything out of Crowley when their paths crossed. It was a common bit of banter between them both; Crowley acting all put upon and needing to be 'forced' to help out a warlock played into both their reputations nicely after all. Kept both of them out of as much trouble as they might otherwise have been in and meant that the usually common goal they shared of making sure Earth continued to exist for the next few millennia at least was met.
He'd never seen Crowley like this. There was a general air of defeat about him that Constantine felt wouldn't be moved with even the most creative of arguments and it was starting to become clear that he was right about something happening to the demon, but not in the way he'd expected. He'd thought Crowley might have been punished by downstairs or maybe even limited, less able to help like before. But this...
Crowley was hurt and that was unnerving.
Constantine shifted his weight to scrub out part of the sigil and felt the holding power snap immediately, something that any other demon would have taken as an open invitation to make short work of the warlock (or at least try). But he wasn't concerned about that as much as fishing out a flask and offering it to the demon.
"Christ you look like you need a drink. Hadn't planned on coming here first if it makes you feel better, but the angel wasn't in town and summoning them is harder."
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timeasmymeasure
@blessedarethebookmakers
Date: 2021-12-06 12:14 am (UTC)How in the fuck did you manage to get 10 million in debt??
How many books did you buy?
Look it's a lot easier for me to just get rid of the debt for you, Angel.
[ you know what this would be easier if he just called aziraphale.
ring ring, angel, one very confused and concerned snake on the line. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 12:40 am (UTC)No sound. all books. too many. Send pls. soon. thank you love you
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 12:56 am (UTC)thank you love you
love you ]
[ Yes, this absolutely, 100% is definitely Aziraphale who possibly just spent 10 million on books (???) and somehow got in debt instead of just Miracling it away.
Oh fuck Aziraphale said it. This was fine. He could handle this. He could definitely think straight enough to manage this and not lose it. He's cool! He can handle it.
Alright, so maybe Crowley didn't have ten million pounds. But you know what? Glitches happen all the time. Even in Venmo. Maybe, just maybe, a glitch just miraculously happens and 1lostboy gets a transfer from Nowhere for Ten Million Pounds.
And by maybe, clearly that means Crowley just definitely used up a demonic miracle to make 10 million digitally appear out of nowhere. Can Venmo even handle millions of pounds??? Who knows! But Aziraphale wants ten million pounds, and there was nothing in Heaven or Hell that was going to keep Crowley from getting him Ten Million Pounds.
By Venmo. ]
How many times have I got to say? Don't thank me. Bad for my reputation, you know.
There, look, I've sent it. Now will you talk some sense to me? I'm at the bookshop, where are you?
[ crowley why are you such an absolute idiot. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 01:15 am (UTC)You're in the middle of traffic, dear, you're going to get run over. [well, he wouldn't but it was the principle of the thing]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 01:29 am (UTC)the only angel he'd ever look for) He breaks into a beaming smile that takes over his entire face, still riding the high ofthank you love you
A car whizzes by his elbow, whipping his jacket like mad, and goes by completely and utterly unnoticed by the demon. Instead, he just stands there like the beaming, giddy-headed idiot that he is. ]
Angel! There you are, Aziraphale. Did you get the Venmo? Honestly, I still think it would have been easier to just miracle the whole thing away.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 01:47 am (UTC)Oh I... I just stepped out. Got some little pastries from that shop down the road. What on earth is a venmo and why did you have to miracle it away. Unless you were about to get mown down by one. [he tugged Crowley out of the street and if he had to touch him to do it, well, no one could blame him]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 01:56 am (UTC)The venmo you wanted me to send you. [ He held up his phone and gave it a little wiggle, texts messages still in clear view. ] For the books. Was there a rare collection you got your hands on? I haven't heard about any black market auctions for that sort of thing in the area lately. Should've brought me along, you know they always overprice you every time you go.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 02:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 02:25 am (UTC)You know, come to think of it, he was definitely a lot calmer right now in person than he had seemed over text.
The beaming slowly lowered in intensity, replacing gradually with confusion. ]
Me a lie down? You're the only that needs a lie down. Aziraphale, you just told me you needed me to send you money for books. [ He moved next to the angel, showing him the phone and scrolling up to the first text message. ] Look, here, see? Just a few minutes ago.
[ The transformation into Genuine Concern is complete, now with a little worried frown. ] Are you alright, Angel?
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 06:02 am (UTC)But...it was really sweet of you, my dear. [he smiled because he knew it rankled and delivered a bold kiss to his jaw] come in and get some tea.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 04:10 pm (UTC)thank you love you
That hadn't been Aziraphale at all, that had just been some fucking rando on the--
And then there was a kiss pressed to his jaw that short circuited his brain. Sure, they'd kissed a bit here and there since that Whole Thing with Constantine, but... well it's not exactly the sort of thing you get used to that easy.
It was a lot to process. The kiss, the phone, the kiss, the 'really sweet of you' (which he's sure he needed to at least pretend to protest), the kiss, the bloody scammer-- something about tea? Also did he mention the kiss?? ]
Are you telling me I just wired ten million pounds to some arse that stole your phone?
[ Nonono no that's not the one he wanted to address first, but his slowly growing fury at someone pretending to be Aziraphale (thank you love you) was at extreme warring ends with chasing after that teasing, bold kiss. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-06 04:17 pm (UTC)Are you coming in or not?
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 05:29 pm (UTC)Then, he took in a deep breath and tried to cover up his complete brain short-circuiting with a look that was neither cool nor smooth, but at least looked like he was trying to pretend it was. ]
Yeah, yeah-- Er, definitely coming in. Yes. That's-- what I'm doing. [ He said, very smoothly and very cooly. ]
[ He numbly follows after Aziraphale into the bookshop. ]
And you know, it's not the money, it's the principle of the matter! Some human is out there with your phone, angel! All your pictures, all your texts, all your contacts! They could be out there saying anything to anyone!
[ things like thank you love you ]
/kicks open the door
Date: 2023-09-09 02:38 am (UTC)Unfortunately a search of the rest of the flat turned up nothing besides the fact that Crowley wasn't here. Something he'd already figured from the quick bit of banishment that he'd had to do already. But that wasn't about to stop him. Constantine was here for answers and he was bloody well going to get them.
"I tried this all polite for you." It was muttered angrily as Constantine shoved the minimal furniture out of the way, clearing a space to start drawing a complex sigil. As he finished the last strokes, something about it changed and looking directly at it made his eyes want to crawl out of his skull. It was working at least.
"Can't say I didn't give you a chance to have a polite chat about it." Several black candles were set around the mark and, taking a step back to check that he hadn't missed anything (the sick, crawling feeling in his gut indicated he hadn't), Constantine drew a dagger.
"Lets see you try and avoid this summoning then."
He spoke then, words few humans could manage and the complex sound of Crowley's true name that somehow seemed to writhe in the air. The dagger he drew across his palm, immediately pressing his lips to the wound to suck in his own blood and spray it across the sigil, an preternatural shriek filling the air as the candles burst into flames and Constantine focused on reaching for wherever this sorry excuse for a demon was and yanking him back here.
/stumbles in through door 13 weeks late with a soggy depressed demon
Date: 2023-12-11 05:58 pm (UTC)However, there was always once in a while that a summoning managed to slip through the cracks-- or in John Constantine's case, when a summoning managed to sledgehammer its way through any and all defenses Crowley had. It was unpleasantly like being drunk through a straw, just slurped out of whatever it was he had been doing (sulking in the Bentley with his plants) and spat out someplace he'd least want to be (his old flat where his replacement had been squatting in after he was booted out).
Crowley landed in the summoning circle, spilled gracelessly onto his ass, groaning unhappily. If it had been anyone other than John fucking Constantine that had summoned him-- he'd convince himself he'd have unleashed unholy fury on the unfortunate human. But despite his best efforts, Crowley knew himself better than that. He knew his faults, and being possibly the worst demon to crawl out of that damned pit was right at the top of the list.
Instead of any kind of fury, unholy or otherwise, Crowley just sort of. Sat criss-cross-apple-sauce on the floor of his ex-flat, trying not to look at all the awful changes his replacement had made, and looked flatly up at Constantine. Like all the fight had gone out of him, like there wasn't any point at all.
"No. Whatever it is, whatever you're trying to get, the answer is no."
my favourite kind!
Date: 2023-12-24 02:05 am (UTC)He'd never seen Crowley like this. There was a general air of defeat about him that Constantine felt wouldn't be moved with even the most creative of arguments and it was starting to become clear that he was right about something happening to the demon, but not in the way he'd expected. He'd thought Crowley might have been punished by downstairs or maybe even limited, less able to help like before. But this...
Crowley was hurt and that was unnerving.
Constantine shifted his weight to scrub out part of the sigil and felt the holding power snap immediately, something that any other demon would have taken as an open invitation to make short work of the warlock (or at least try). But he wasn't concerned about that as much as fishing out a flask and offering it to the demon.
"Christ you look like you need a drink. Hadn't planned on coming here first if it makes you feel better, but the angel wasn't in town and summoning them is harder."